The comfort of adding egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk

“Chocolate cream pie! You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure–and when I say nothing, I mean nothing–you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. That’s such a comfort.” –Amy Adams as Julie Powell, Julie & Julia

I’ll admit it–I love the movie Julie & Julia and always will, even though I know a lot of people who think it’s fluff and/or just can’t stand Julie Powell for whatever reason. And that’s fine, but this is not about her.

I started my own Project almost 18 months ago … it’s not as structured as Powell’s was, and even if I did cook my way through some cookbook, it’s already been done (not that there’s anything wrong with that either). But I remember watching the movie–not for the first time–before Cupcake Friday fell from my lips and morphed into a project and thinking, “I need a project. I need something.”

I’m a planner. I plan our vacations. I plan parties. With Ray’s help, I planned our wedding. I obsess over details. I’m constantly pushing ahead, thinking about what I’m going to do, sometimes forgetting there’s a present surrounding me. This has both its good side and bad side.

Before the project, Ray would ask me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, knowing full and well that publishing isn’t the life for me. And I would come up with nothing, the blankness opening wide and deep and swallowing me into a sea of doubt and fear of never coming up with something.

Because, deep down, I long to be remarkable. Maybe not hugely remarkable, in a Gandhi-type way, but still. And how can you do that when you feel like you have no direction, except plodding along forward … or what you think is forward.

“She [Julia Child] saved me. I was drowning and she pulled me out of the ocean.” –Amy Adams as Julie Powell, Julie & Julia

Is this where I say Julie Powell or Julia Child saved me from drowning? No. But it’s a line that stuck with me, reminding me that something can spark for you and help you help yourself.

I needed a project. I baked cupcakes. My friends at work enjoyed said cupcakes. Approximately 18 months later my taste testing group has grown from 6 people in my office to more than 20 people, including 2 indie video game studios and an independent developer in Philly. This project has become my creative outlet, my escape and my own challenge full of ups and downs.

So for me, baking for Cupcake Friday Project saved me. I was drowning and it pulled me out of the ocean.